THE OSCAR-WINNING ACTRESS OPENS UP ABOUT WHAT SHE'S LEARNED FROM SUCCESS, SETBACKS AND HER THREE 'BEAUTIFUL' KIDS
By JP MANGALINDAN
THE RIKER BROTHER
Marcia Gay Harden booked her first major Hollywood role, as a hard-boiled gangster moll in Miller’s Crossing, at 30, after years of unsuccessful auditions for roles, including girl-next-door parts. It’s when the actress came to an important realization. “I was trying to be that, but I’m not the girl next door. That’s really not my MO. That’s not who I am,” she says. As time proved, Harden, 64, is so much more: a versatile performer whose acting chops have earned her plaudits including an Oscar for playing painter Lee Krasner in the 2000 Jackson Pollock biopic Pollock, a Tony for her role in the Broadway comedy God of Carnage and an Emmy nomination for her turn as an acerbic reporter on The Morning Show. Lately she’s also winning raves as an uptight attorney who hires her directionless son in the CBS comedy-drama So Help Me Todd, back for its second season on Feb. 15.
The actress, who finds peace in her pottery studio in upstate New York when she’s not working, shares three children—Eulala, 25, and twins Julitta and Hudson, 19—with ex-husband Thaddaeus Scheel. Inspired by her kids, who all identify as queer, Harden has become a proud LGBTQ+ advocate. “I want for each of them to be seen for the beauty in who they are, to be loved and to be appreciated for their talent,” she says. Here Harden shares more life lessons she’s learned.
‘When I get it right, that’s when I’ll quit— and I hope I never get it right’
My parents gave me the gift of curiosity.My dad, who was an officer in the Navy, was super, super strict. He came from an old-school Texas family, so there was an order to things. We were “Yes, sir. No, sir.” We had that formality. But he also had an incredible love for music, jazz and opera. My mom was this beautiful, tenacious Dallas lady. They moved once every three years, sometimes once a year. When we lived in Japan, I was 9, and my mom went out in the Volvo and taught English. She didn’t speak a word of Japanese, but she did it. They tried to inspire us with curiosity for reading, travel, people and language. You’re kind of a sponge at that age, and I was just soaking it in.
Winning an Oscar has its benefits—sort of.Life does change. You have that title. Having an Oscar is an incredibly huge, prestigious honor, and I am blessed to have it. But life also doesn’t change, because 99.2 percent of people don’t know about it. Do you even remember who won last year? We don’t remember the week after. It’s not a financial thing—you often don’t make more money after winning than you did before; it’s just more a recognition thing. But more than the award, having a body of work that is respected is what helps a career change and open up, and that did happen.
Failure is part of the journey to success.I’ve fallen on my face so many times just in the process of trying to put food on the table, support my family and have a career in this business. You learn from the journey. As a mother, I often want to catch my kids and protect my kids and not let them learn those hard lessons, because you don’t want them to get hurt. And I just have to stand back. And some of the things that I would say were my failures are actually part of growth. Things that I did that I would never do today helped me get here today.
Be early for everything.I chased a casting director down once. I was in Washington, D.C., and she was coming to a Catholic university to interview students for a character who had black hair. I was like, “That’s me.” A friend set things up so I could meet this woman, but it was raining, and I was literally one minute late. So I chased her down—it was pre-9/11—and climbed on her airplane to give a picture and résumé, because I thought I was right for her soap opera. I didn’t get a job from her, but what’s the lesson there? Be one minute early. Be two minutes early. Be five minutes early. Do not be late.
Your children can become your teachers.I’ve learned an awful lot about gender nonconformity because of my children, and I’ve learned a lot about what I was already understanding in my own life. Because even in high school, my first boyfriend was gay and was too afraid to come out until later, and then I did [the Tony-winning Broadway play] Angels in America. Now the kids talk a lot about the queer community, and it’s much more expansive. It’s much more embracing.
Stay true to yourself.This is advice I’ve learned from the great masters around me: the Ellen Burstyns, Meryl Streeps and Andre Braughers. I remember I was auditioning for a thousand things, bringing what I think they wanted. And [Braugher] just looked at me and he said, “What do you want the character to be?” I said, “Huh?” My jaw fell down. “What do you mean?” Ellen Burstyn was like, “There’s only one voice that’s you in the world.” I’m still trying to discover, remember, celebrate what that is and what I am.
CLOCKWISE FROM BOTTOM RIGHT: EVERETT; MICHAEL COURTNEY/CBS; EVERETT(3); THE RIKER BROTHERS