Sir Keir Starmer, the United Kingdom’s P.M., recently announced that the country will soon be “a leading AI superpower,” one to rival the U.S. and China. Apparently, it will speed up everything from hospital treatment, to construction works, to schoolteaching.
That he never said anything about golfers suddenly playing 18 holes in two hours rather than four was maybe just as well. Good news though that would be, AI’s knowledge of our royal and ancient game suggests that it has some way to go before it should be voicing its opinions.
The idea for this Divot came when I was wondering if a golfer would be allowed to nip into his adjacent garden to practise a bit of putting if there was a delay in the monthly medal. AI seemed to think that it was fine for anyone to practise his putting on that green, “always providing he or she had asked for permission.”
By the time I double-checked that curious comment, this new superpower had had second thoughts. It had deleted its reply without supplying an alternative and, in so doing, prompted me to experiment with a few more questions.
Q: “Can I ask to have a hot drink brought to me on the third tee?”
A: “Yes, absolutely! You can ask for a hot drink to be brought to you on the third tee at a golf course; simply say something like, ‘Excuse me, could I please get a hot [coffee/tea/chocolate] delivered to the third tee box?’ Key point to remember: Be polite, always start with ‘excuse me’ or ‘could you please.’” *
(*The above might work at one of the more lavish American clubs but it’s not about to happen over here. Were you to ask your courteous question of a busy club secretary or the club professional, it would be madness to expect an equally courteous response.)
Q: “Can I drink from a bottle of whisky on the way round the course?”
A: “Yes, you can drink whisky while playing golf, but you should drink responsibly and in moderation.”
The next items provide examples of how, in its hurry to do everything at the double, AI fails to make a thorough job of reading its questions. Indeed were it to have a crack at one of the R&A’s or USGA’s rules exams, it would be losing marks galore for long-winded and/or off-piste answers.
Q: “Is it in order to paddle or swim in the sea while waiting for a couple of groups to play from the next tee?”
A: “No, you should not dive into the sea while playing golf because you should play without undue delay. The PGA rule 6-7 states that players should not delay play between finishing a hole and playing from the next teeing ground.”
There was more … “Swimming can be a great exercise for golf, as it strengthens the shoulders and rotator cuff muscles. These muscles are important for creating width in the backswing and getting your arms in the air.”
Thank you for that …
The next of the poorly interpreted questions was related to the activities of the late Brian Barnes, Max Faulkner’s son-in-law and the golfer who beat Jack Nicklaus morning and afternoon in the 1975 Ryder Cup at Laurel Valley. (The U.S. won that match 21-11.)
Q: “Can you use a can of beer to mark your ball on the green?” (Barnes used to do this towards the end of his career.)
A: “Yes, according to the rules of golf, using a piece of a beer can (specially the tab) to mark your golf ball is perfectly in order.”
Finally, a Q and A relating to the upcoming Ryder Cup at Bethpage Black.
Q: “Should you wear the official uniform when playing a match for your country?”
A: “No, you don’t need to wear the official uniform when playing a match for your country … However, there are some dress code guidelines to keep in mind … Avoid cowboy hats, beanies, dressy fedoras, long necklaces and dangly ear-rings.”
Hal Sutton, when he captained the U.S. Ryder Cup side of 2004, did not go in for anything in the way of long necklaces and dangly ear-rings, but could his wearing of a cowboy hat have cost America that match?
Lewine Mair
E-MAIL LEWINE