BY ANGELA HAUPT
EMMA LEMBKE JOINED INSTAGRAM when she was 12. The last of her friend group to sign up, she had sensed the appeal of the app in the gazes of friends; people who used to look at her now looked at their phones. “I thought to myself, There has to be something incredibly magnetic and magical and connective that pulls people into these apps,” recalls Lembke, who’s now 21 and founder of a non-profit dedicated to helping kids use social media in a healthier way.
She soon began spending five or six hours a day mindlessly scrolling—and says her mental health and well-being deteriorated. Lembke recalls quantifying her worth by tracking likes, comments, and followers, and taking down posts that didn’t perform well enough. “It felt as though I was honestly addicted,” she says. “When I heard the buzz of a notification, I had that instant Pavlovian response to grab my phone. I finally asked, What am I doing?”
Many of us get lost in social media. Some data indicate that worldwide, the average adult spends more than 2.5 hours per day immersed in social apps. All that scrolling can take a toll: excessive social media use is linked with loneliness, depressive symptoms, poor self-esteem, and decreased life satisfaction. “A lot of times we’re not even aware of how we’re using it,” says Jacqueline Nesi, a psychologist who studies social media’s role in adolescents’ mental health, “so taking the time to be a little more mindful and to think about what’s working, and what’s not, is really important.”
We asked experts how to reset your relationship with social media. These are their go-to strategies.
1. Craft a mission statement When Lembke starts to feel overwhelmed by social media, she returns to her “tech intentions” document: a record of the ways she will and will not use the apps. “I use social media to connect with others, to learn new things daily, to scrapbook my life, and to express myself creatively,” it reads. “I do not use social media as a replacement for IRL.” Write your own mission statement, Lembke recommends, and stick it to your desk or wherever you might be tempted to mindlessly scroll. 2. Set specific goals Pledging to “use social media less” is too vague a resolution to be effective, Nesi says. Instead, set specific goals or boundaries. Maybe you get three 20-minute social media sessions per day. Then, set up systems to make that possible: “Put your phone in another room, or put it on ‘do not disturb,’” Nesi advises. 3. Go on an unfollowing spreeIs it serving you to keep getting updates about an ex, or from the reality star with an unattainable body? “Maybe you’re no longer obsessed with baby pandas and are now on to quokkas. You finished prom and don’t need to keep seeing fancy dresses,” says Dr. Nina Vasan , founder and executive director of Stanford Brainstorm, an academic lab seeking to improve mental health. Unfollow the accounts that are no longer fulfilling a role, and instead seek out those that are inspiring, educational, or related to hobbies you’d like to nurture.4. Make a list of scrolling substitutes If you weren’t swiping through social media posts, what would you be doing? Make a list of activities you enjoy—and “make sure they’re intellectually, emotionally, or physically feeding you,” says Joseph Galasso, a clinical psychologist and chief executive officer at Baker Street Behavioral Health in New Jersey. You might go for a walk, read a book, take up the guitar, or try out some crafting projects. There’s no way to check Facebook if your fingers are busy stitching embroidery. 5. Take a social media sabbatical Tiffany Shlain, founder of the Webby Awards, puts her phone away from Friday evening until the same time Saturday. “Each week, I get to have this reset,” says Shlain. “It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.” If you’re intrigued, experiment with different amounts of time away from social media: one day a week, a weekend, a month. She’s noticed that time feels luxurious when her phone isn’t attached to her body; she often has her best creative ideas when she’s offline. “Instead of looking at it as ‘taking away,’” she says, “look at what you’re getting back.”
ILLUSTRATIONS BY SOL COTTI FOR TIME