BY ANGELA HAUPT
TRUE FRIENDSHIPS CAN take years to develop—which isn’t exactly comforting to the 1 in 3 U.S. adults who say they are lonely right now. But you don’t need to wait for a new BFF to feel better. Small acts can help give you immediate relief from loneliness, experts say. We asked therapists what low-effort steps they take in their own lives when isolation starts to creep in.
When Courtney Morgan, a therapist in Louisville, Ky., wants to be around like-minded people without having to try too hard, she goes to a yoga class. “Sometimes I want to feel connected without actively engaging in a conversation,” she says. She tells her clients to seek out structured programming they’re interested in too, whether it’s fi tness-related, educational, or something artsy. During your class, aim to appear approachable, she suggests. Resist the urge to look at your phone. Make eye contact with people, smile, ask a stranger if you can sit next to them, and thank the instructor. All are small ways to feel better connected.
Audrey Schoen, a marriage and family therapist in Granite Bay, Calif., loves communicating via voice message. When she meets someone new and exchanges contact info, she sends them an audio message instead of fi ring off a text. And when she feels lonely, she reaches out to friends in the same way—or replays old voice messages that she saved. “I love receiving voice messages, and I love sending them,” she says. “They feel so much more personal,” and are an especially fun way to keep in touch with friends who live far away.
When Samantha Bender, a social worker in El Paso, Texas, feels lonely, she heads to a local coffee shop where she can people watch while sipping on a saffron latte and reading the latest Stephen King novel. “Sometimes loneliness isn’t about our direct relationships,” she says, “but how we feel in relation to the world around us.” There’s so much going on in public spaces—new sounds, scents, and sights—that it grounds her in the present moment and distracts her from tinges of loneliness. “You can soak it all in and feel like you’re part of something without having to extend a lot of effort,” she says. “We don’t always have the mental energy and capacity to connect with others one-on-one.”
Research shows that spending just 10 minutes interacting with cats and dogs reduces levels of the stress hormone cortisol—so it’s no wonder Allison Guilbault, a therapist in Morristown, N.J., seeks out her pups when she craves company. “I fi nd it hard to feel lonely in the presence of animals,” she says. “There’s love there, and there’s loyalty there.” Plus, pets open the door to social opportunities. Guilbault once advised a lonesome client to take her poodles to a local park and position herself in a way that was “really open” (not scrolling on her phone). It worked: people made small talk with her and asked to pet her dog, which lifted her spirits. “Dogs are an invitation,” Guilbault says.
It’s so easy to forget fun, fulfilling times when you’re all alone. But looking at photos of favorite memories can help. “It immediately sparks joy,” says San Francisco therapist Erika Bent, who does this whenever she feels isolated. “Thinking of beautiful moments helps me remember that I’m worthy of connection.” It also helps “reignite the possibility” of feeling less alone, she says—which can be the most powerful antidote to loneliness.
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