A reminder article from 2019.
Over the years consulting with family businesses the manner that owner’s children enter employment in the business have been variable, but most are generally informal. The interactions between fathers and sons have been wide ranging to say the least. Quite often they are difficult and expectations unclear.
Below is what I have called a “Letter of Engagement.” The son is considering employment in the family business. The letter presents advice from a father to his son (and advice to himself as well).
I think such letters should be a recommended best practice. Perhaps if there had been such a document to begin with in many of the situations, I’ve been involved with things would have been less turbulent. And we would not have heard – “If you weren’t my son I would have fired you”; or “If you weren’t my father I would have quit by now.”
See what you think. I have inserted some of my thoughts in parentheses.
Dear Son:
This letter is to outline some of the issues and sensitivities which pertain to you joining us.
First, we are interested in you because our key management believes that you possess the personal skills, background and education to be an effective member of our team, and that you can become a significant contributor to our future growth and success. (Son had relevant work experience elsewhere.) The fact that you are my son is secondary. However, this can create pleasure and problems for both of us. While I cannot anticipate all the possibilities, the following are some guidelines which I propose we follow if you accept employment here.
As an employee/son you can expect some quiet resentment from certain employees until you establish yourself as an independent true contributor to the company. Ignore this and concentrate on learning our business, working hard, contributing, and just being yourself, not my son. (A caution regarding attitudes toward the boss’ son; encouragement to become a valuable credible employee and contributor in his own right.)
My management style is to work closely with those who report to me and to be interested in helping all other employees. I expect to be helpful to you in training and work related problem solving. But it will be as with other employees who do not report to me - at arms-length. (Reporting to someone else, honoring the chain of command and no special treatment.)
As my son, you may be subjected to others trying to use you as a messenger to get their ideas to the boss or to get information from me. Don't allow yourself to be a part of those types of conversations. I want your value to the company to be through your achievement, not your family ties. (A warning about human nature, power and influence.)
To help our relationship, I suggest that we do not discuss those business issues at home that we would not discuss at the office, including office gossip. In other words, if you are working with a new customer and want to discuss that during our social time together, that is fine. However, it is not good for you to be privy to information which you would not normally need or use in doing your job. (You are not an owner; keep the focus on your area of influence.)
On the family side I suggest that your wife, my lovely daughter-in-law, should not approach me to negotiate on your behalf, but rather help you identify and discuss such issues with your direct supervisor. It would be very healthy if on business issues, she considered me as the president of the company for which you work and be as selective in such discussions as she would be with the president of any other company for whom you might work. This is a key issue which pertains to family harmony and to your self-esteem in achieving success through your personal efforts and excellence, rather than from family ties and connections. (Setting parameters for family and business boundaries; future family meetings would also be valuable.)
In joining the company there are no strings attached. This is an opportunity (not a right) for you, and we cannot predict where it will lead. However, we should agree on the following:
You are free to leave if ever or whenever you find a better opportunity. It will not affect my bond or feelings for you as a father. I want the best for you at all times. The only caveat – I ask that you not accept an offer from a direct competitor (There are some unacceptable acts.)
If we find that this is not the right company or environment (small vs. large, entrepreneurial vs. corporate) for you, we will help you find a better fit. As my son I expect that this will not affect your bond or feeling for me. (Like anyone else you could get fired.)
From the outset I have run this company for the best long-term benefit of all the investors. I plan to continue this even after most of the current outside investors are gone. This means that I may choose to take the company public or to sell the company. While I do not have such plans at this time, I may in the future. I ask that you accept my right to do so and to understand that inheriting part of my estate is your birthright, inheriting the company is not. (Another boundary is set regarding ownership decisions.)
In joining the company my expectation is for you to work hard, apply yourself, have commitment, and use all of your skills and education towards attaining the company's goals. If you do that, you will have met my expectations of you as my son. I am proud of you now and I shall be so in the future. I do not have any other expectations, and you should not place the weight of any other expectations, which you think I have, upon yourself. For example, to satisfy me, you do not have to become a great entrepreneur or the next president of the company. If it happens, it happens. My affection and respect for you are not based on such goals. (Defining the honorable challenge of acceptance and love versus achievement and performance.)
We cannot predict the future status of you, your sister and your respective families. It is therefore not sound for me to establish ground rules pertaining to relationships and financial arrangements. However, please be aware that at some point in the future I may establish such rules. Their objective will be to set a fair distribution of benefits from the company, should it still exist as our asset. In the event that your sister does not have an active involvement in the company and you do, I will be concerned that her interests are safeguarded. (An example of the confusion/dilemma that so often exists re birthright – look back at 6c.) In effect my main concern will be to establish a structure which will avoid serious disagreements within the family after I am gone. I ask you in advance to accept my wishes at that time. (Good estate planning would hopefully include intergenerational discussions.)
If you wish to confer or discuss personal issues pertaining to your position in the company with another person, Walter and George will be available. (Key leaders in the company who can provide experienced wisdom and coaching.)
As a member of our management you will be exposed to confidential company plans and industry secrets. I expect you, as I would any member of our team, to honor that confidentiality. (Simple clear direct expectation.)
The ideas contained in this letter have the objective of avoiding some of the potential problems associated with relatives working together in a business. The detail and length of this document should not indicate that I am concerned about the success of this arrangement. I believe that it will succeed and look forward to the pleasure of a manager seeing a young person learning, making decisions, and adding value to the business. As a father, I expect this pleasure to be compounded. (Once again acknowledging the uncertainty but holding the optimistic view.)
If you agree with the ideas and terms of this letter, I would appreciate your returning a signed copy upon accepting an offer of employment. (Asking for commitment but also a reminder that there is an official offer of employment still to come; he is being hired by the company not dad.)
Best wishes, Dad
Of course, there are still matters of a job description, performance expectations and reviews, compensation, benefits etc. to be defined.
Soon,
Ron
Ronald C. Reece, Ph.D. is a Consulting Psychologist who specializes in Family and Closely Held Business Consulting.
He can be found at:800 E. Washington St., Ste-CGreenville, SC 29601Phone 864-233-6648 fax (864) 233-3706,email reeceassc@aol.comwebsite www.ronreece.com
