Photos courtesy of Salesianum School
I was recently at a state playoff game, standing before our jampacked student section dressed in my black suit and collar. During pregame warmups, I was approached by a member of the event staff. “Aren’t you the principal? Where are the girls and cheerleaders?” she asked. I replied that Salesianum School—founded in 1903 by my religious order, the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales—is the only all-boys high school in Delaware. She frowned, rolled her eyes, and asked, “You’re still doing that?”
As principal, I can confirm that there are a lot of traditions we’re “still doing” at my school: a dress code with shirts and ties; an after-school detention unofficially called “JUG” (Justice Under God); and plenty of school spirit and alumni loyalty.
But there’s no doubt that in our part of the world, the first thing people think of when they hear Salesianum is “the all-boys Catholic high school.” And when our students graduate, regardless of how they may have felt about it coming in as freshmen, the vast majority urge me to make sure that never changes. But why?
There’s growing evidence that girls have not only closed the one-time academic gender gap and caught up to boys; they have surpassed them by almost every measure of K-12 achievement. Girls are consistently earning higher GPAs and better grades across all subjects, are surging in SAT performance and other standardized measures, and are outnumbering young men on college campuses.
The phenomenal work in the United States to “level the playing field” for girls over the last fifty years has been wildly successful. But this unqualified good news has been accompanied by a troubling new gender gap as the boys fall behind. Their delayed maturation, the sense that their behavioral differences and learning styles are too quickly labeled as problematic, and the fact that so few teachers at the elementary and middle school levels are men are all suggested as factors that lead boys to disengage from school—not necessarily to drop out (though they do so at far higher rates than girls), but to prioritize their studies less than their female counterparts.
Could it be that the all-boys Catholic high school some consider antiquated is actually uniquely situated to meet the contemporary learning and social needs of boys? My experience is a resounding “yes,” and not only as students to be taught, but as young disciples to be formed. A successful and positive school culture for boys, in an environment focused on their needs, could pursue three cultural features.
1) Articulate a healthy masculinity rooted in the gospel.At the tender age between childhood and adulthood, adolescent boys are looking for male role models and wrestling with what it means to be a man. They have no shortage of bad examples to turn to on their social media feeds, but what they find is unsatisfying, and most of them know it.
There’s an opportunity for Catholic schools, and for all-boys schools in particular. Those who work with them know that boys respond well to being challenged in the right context. Just stop by any athletic practice, where many of the most successful coaches are also the most demanding and revered. What is crucial in their eyes is that the “challenger”—be it a teacher, a coach, or an administrator—is perceived to genuinely care about them.
The opportunity, of course, is to use those teachable moments not just to win games or increase test scores, but to give them a gift they desperately need: a sense of purpose. Boys’ schools are uniquely situated to develop a vision of masculinity rooted in the gospel, challenging students to strive for timeless virtues and the spiritual “code” of discipleship. This can be especially effective if articulated in a manner that is unique to a school community and perhaps its founding charism. The result is a powerful antidote to the fleeting, empty examples that saturate their culture: disciples who are both compassionate and tenacious, both gentle and strong, both humble and confident. This is the courageous, authentic witness we need from men in our world more than ever, timeless traits even as traditional gender roles evolve. And Catholic all-boys schools were built for just such a mission.
2) Empowering boys to lead and to learn by doing.How do we create a gospel-centered masculinity for boys? Not just by talking about it; boys learn best by doing. Salesianum’s patron saint, St. Francis de Sales (1567-1622), said it well: “You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; and just so, you learn to love by loving.”
In an all-boys environment, however—especially one in which students are surrounded by male role models in and outside the classroom—boys can be more successfully engaged. And in my experience, the more responsibility they are given, the better they will respond.
A few years ago, I visited St. Benedict’s Prep in Newark, NJ. I was astounded by the immense trust the school’s leadership placed in the young men who came from the city’s toughest neighborhoods. Regarding the responsibility freely given to them, I asked the legendary headmaster, Fr. Edwin Leahy, OSB, “Aren’t you worried they are going to make some big mistakes?” He immediately responded, “I hope so. That’s how boys learn.” It’s an environment every Catholic all-boys school should aspire to create. Contrast that radical trust with what many boys experience in grade school, where many disengage and “live down” to low expectations for them.
3) Fostering a school culture in which boys belong.I recently asked a teacher applicant what makes a good teacher. Without hesitation, she replied, “Someone who prepares and who cares about their students.” Every human being thrives when connected to others, but in a society that is wary of men and male groups (sometimes with good reason), and in circles where descriptors like “toxic masculinity” abound, too many educators have come to regard boys—and schools for boys in particular—with unfair suspicion.
But many people who work with boys, and who understand how they learn and grow, see a different side of them. Listening to the struggles their parents are sometimes having, I often feel we see our students at their best—that the boys feel most comfortable, most understood, and most connected when they are in school. Their sense of ownership, which we actively encourage at every turn, fuels this perspective.
But what does this have to do with learning, a teacher may ask? For boys, it turns out, everything. Once they feel engaged, connected, and cared for—once they feel they belong—there’s no stopping what they can do. They still need direction and high expectations, of course. They still make mistakes—lots of them. But looking forward to coming to school every day is half the battle.
No single-word description is more popular among the students in my school than brotherhood. At Salesianum, this word captures it all. There is a transformative power to the word, expressing a shared certainty among the group that somehow being a member makes each one of them better than what he would otherwise be as an individual, or as a student in another school. The tears shed at graduation witness to it more than the college acceptances or championship banners that encircle the gym.
Young men in the world today are looking for something to belong to, and a growing number of young men are realizing that what they need is something meaningful, challenging, and lifegiving. If they look outside the Church, as too many young Catholics do, it may well be because too little effort is made to provide, from our vast and venerable tradition, something that is truly and unapologetically for them. Many Catholic all-boys schools are excelling at meeting this moment by doing what they’ve always done, and better than ever: providing spaces where young men feel they belong and carrying that sense of purpose with them into the world.
Of course, many co-ed Catholic high schools (such as the one I graduated from) possess these same characteristics, or operate in contexts where separate schools for boys and girls may be considered a thing of the past. But I am convinced that existing all-boys schools play a crucial role in Catholic education, and new schools should be considered—especially when seeking to meet the needs of young men of color from low-income families who are more at risk and falling even further behind. By empowering boys to lead and learn actively, and consciously recasting masculinity in the image of the Gospel, these schools can create experiences of faith, learning, and brotherhood in which boys can thrive in a uniquely powerful way.
A recent Salesianum senior left a letter under my office door after graduation. After sharing some of his struggles along the way, he credited the support, the faith and spirituality, and the friendships he made with saving his life. He concluded: “Thank you to everyone who works here for changing the lives of so many young men. For showing them that school isn’t just a place to learn, but a place to feel loved.”
These are the schools that young men need now more than ever.
Rev. J. Christian Beretta, OSFS, Ed.D.is the principal of Salesianum School, Diocese of Wilmington.cberetta@salesianum.org