Do you love or loathe your school parents?
Maybe your immediate response is something like, “Well, that depends…” Having served as a Catholic school teacher, administrator and superintendent, it’s a fair question! Some parents seem to bring nothing but complaints and headaches, while others serve as the go-to individuals who are committed to the school’s advancement of Mission and Catholic Identity. It’s possible that many, if not a majority, of our school parents are somewhere in between. It’s the “in-between” that concerns me. The inbetween comes in two forms.
First, consider families as a whole. When it comes to matters of faith, we have a range: 1) active believers; 2) non-active non-believers; 3) non-active believers; and 4) occasionally active believers. How do we more effectively engage the latter two groups in between the extremes? Still harder is reaching those on the outer margins.
Second, where do we find all these families in one place at one time? We’re talking about everyone from believers to non-believers and everyone in between. There are probably only two places where you can find these families standing shoulder-to-shoulder in a house of worship—weddings and funerals. In addition to gatherings such as these, events drive so much of our ministerial planning. Again, how do we reach everyone in between these isolated moments in time? There’s an answer.
At this time in history, it could be argued that Catholic schools provide the best opportunity of ensuring that our beautiful faith continues to grow in our Generation Alpha kids. Catholic schools may have been a last-ditch effort for desperate, non-believing, working parents to find a place for their kids during the pandemic. The fact remains—they stayed with us. We have such a rich mixture of families enrolled in our schools, and if the back-toschool night I attended yesterday evening is any indication, we have a captive audience. While speaking with our school’s chaplain, Fr. Frank, in between class rotations, he remarked on the number of our school parents requesting to be baptized. Why? Their children are bringing home a fire for Christ from all they are receiving from their Catholic school experience.
This is interesting considering recent research on the transmission of faith in families. This past summer I participated in the National Community of Catechetical Leaders (NCCL) Family Summit. We looked at the transmission of faith in families from theological, sociological, psychological and practical perspectives. Researchers are consistent in their findings. Parents are the critical key to whether or not faith happens in their children.
Yes, parents appear to be powerful influences, even if they don’t realize it. This includes passing on values, beliefs, practices and traditions. Many, if not most, parents echo the practices of rearing kids the way they experienced it as children. We become like our parents when it comes to parenting, unless of course we decide differently.
According to survey studies, parents are more likely to transmit their level of (non)religiousness to their teens if the pair has a warm and close relationship. What makes this challenging are recent statistics on Catholic marriages. It is estimated that in 2022 about three-quarters of marriages involving Catholics did not take place inside of a Church. Further, the average share of adult Catholics who had ever divorced jumped from 10 percent in the 1970s to 22 percent in the 2020s. Participation in Church has indeed dwindled; however, it is equally important to understand that it is normal for even the most faithful and happy religious families to experience relational struggles when it comes to their religious beliefs, practices, and communities. No family is perfect.
Parents are the critical key
to whether or not faith
happens in their children.
Through all of this, we must remember that the mission of Catholic education is the mission of the Church, and ultimately, the mission of the Church is to proclaim the presence of Jesus Christ and to serve him wherever he may be found. In my experience, the eyes of faith allow us to find Christ anywhere and everywhere. I suppose the real question is: How can we best support our parents in Catholic schools as coeducators of their children in all matters of faith? Here are just a few tips for both parents and their teachers:
Maintaining consistency in our rituals and practices ensures that we are an authentic witness to our children. This includes regular participation in the Sacraments (especially Mass), family and communal prayer, Christian service, tithing, etc. We practice what we preach.
Balancing religious firmness (loyalty to God) with religious flexibility (loyalty to child) is key to ensuring a more joyful formation of faith in children and lifelong positive parent-child relationships.
It is important to remain committed to honoring the personal agency of children in maintaining lifelong, close and joyful parent-child relationships regardless of the spiritual and religious choices children make. As adults, we can’t be the only ones talking. Love also listens.
Parents who work in harmony with extended family members, other parents, godparents, religious teachers and religious leaders in faith formation efforts are more likely to find joy in those efforts. Catholic schools can and should strongly assist in this same effort.
Lastly, I’ve underestimated the practicality of missionary discipleship, but I’ve discovered this is critical in engaging the in-betweens. It’s been said that we are to “bloom where we’re planted.” In our attempts to reach the inactive non-believers, no program, however good it is, will draw them in. They’re not interested. Of course, beer gardens help. It is only through person-toperson relationships that we will move the needle on engagement. Personal witness and invitation are powerful. No one can rob us of our own story, but we also need to be able to tell it. If we pay attention, we find these opportunities in the in-between moments.
As long as we live and breathe, faith is more of a journey than a destination. The idea of gradualism is reflected in Pope Francis’ assertion that children, like most people, don’t respond well to ultimatums or impossible standards. But when they feel respected, they become more willing to take small steps toward the ideals we are trying to instill. It is this approach in working with our Catholic school parents that we can bridge the gap of all things in-between.
John Galvanis the vice president of leadership engagement for NCEA.john@ncea.org
