LAUREN IANNOTTI: Can you explain the title of the book and why it’s so resonant? Because it’s so resonant.
BROOKE SHIELDS: It’s something I’ve felt for a long time. People imprint onto me what they remember from a certain era of my life, and they’re attached to that. By virtue of that fact, I’m a disappointment as an older person. Not too long ago, a gentleman and I were speaking about years of wine vintages. I said my age—I was 58 at the time— and the minute I did, he stopped in his tracks and said, “You really shouldn’t have told me that.” And I thought, Wow. He wasn’t being mean; it was just his honest reaction. And while I’m not comparing myself to the likes of Marilyn Monroe, she died as Marilyn Monroe. If we saw her as a 70-year-old woman, we’d probably be like, Oh, she’s no longer Marilyn Monroe. There’s something that happens to the human psyche when it comes to a face we’ve gotten attached to for some reason.
LI: That seems like the extreme version of what we all go through.
BS: Yes. The more I talked to women who are over 40, the more I realized that a big part of chasing youth is not just for themselves, but for other people. It’s for partners; it’s for the way you’re looked at in public. And it’s a dangerous, slippery slope. We’re not allowed to just grow and experience our life and be OK with it.
LI: We hear a lot about aging naturally as a “trend.” Your thoughts on that?
BS: I think if it’s a trend that’s positive, and if we really talk about the entirety of these upper ages, then great. I hope the trend is for us to still want to feel our best and look our best, rather than chase something that’s unreal and unfair to put ourselves through.
LI: But how weird is it that it’s considered exceptional to embrace aging, an inevitable part of being alive?
BS: I also think it’s rebellious. Everybody’s got a lot to say about Pamela Anderson without any makeup on. OK, so she’s not wearing makeup. So what? It’s so interesting that it’s considered edgy. Self-improvement, no matter what that means to you, is great. I’m all for it. But our society has become so myopically focused on youth, we lose sight of the value that comes with age and experience and time. I look at my two girls—everything’s higher and tighter and smoother. And I know it’s all appealing and it does sell, but I want my girls to not be terrified to be my age.
LI: You open the book with a scene of yourself walking down the street with your daughters, Grier and Rowan, and they’re the ones getting noticed. What do you say to them about that? About beauty?
BS: I don’t shy away from telling them they’re beautiful, because they are, in my eyes as a mother. So I’m allowed that; it’s my prerogative. But it has to have a caveat. I tell them that beauty means different things to different people and different cultures. And it’s not all you are. It is a piece and part of your individuality. Of course, we have a culture which homogenizes. Defines. I was called the face of a decade. Who the hell decides that? A particular face gets stamped with this? It’s ridiculous.
LI: It’s a singular kind of pressure.
BS: It is. And when Rowan was a baby, people would say immediately, “Oh my God, you don’t look like your mother. How come you don’t look more like your mother? Your mother used to be the most beautiful person in the world!” So now you’ve told my daughter she’s not pretty because she doesn’t look like this person. And you’re telling me I’m no longer pretty because I don’t look like what I used to look like. That’s just f**ked up in every possible way.
LI: Your youngest wants to be a model. How do you feel about that?
BS: I fought it for so many years because she was just too young. And then when she turned 18, I said, “OK, look. I can’t say no at this point, because you’re starting to become your own person. But here’s the thing: I’m not going to be your manager. I need you to have an agent. And if your agent disagrees with what I say and they give you reasons why, then you have to decipher what you believe. And you can’t just want to be famous, and it can’t just be to make money. It has to come from a deeper place because it’s not fun. It’s hard and it’s thankless.” She’s a beautiful girl, but there are a lot of beautiful girls around.
LI: It’s interesting that you say she was too young; you started modeling very young. And your own mother was famously your manager.
BS: Yes, but we’re not coming from a place of desperation. When I was a kid, our only source of income was that $50 an hour I got for Gimbels. My mother was too proud to accept alimony from my father. She was in complete control, for better or worse. So I told Grier, “I’m not going to fight this. But you are going to learn what it really means to do this. You’re going to learn how hard it is to be a model.”
LI: That’s some tough love.
BS: I knew I couldn’t be as much of a tiger mom or a helicopter mom or whatever my mom was to be able to keep the bad people away from me. I needed Grier to start speaking up for herself.
LI: What are the little ways you show your girls that you love them?
BS: Oh, I love writing little notes. I love notes in hidden places. I love knowing who their friends are and what their names are. And that’s getting so much harder because they’re in college, but it really matters to them. So I try to have these mental notes, like OK, this is the blond girl, and her parents live here. disagrees with what I say and they give you reasons why, then you have to decipher what you believe. And you can’t just want to be famous, and it can’t just be to make money. It has to come from a deeper place because it’s not fun. It’s hard and it’s thankless.” She’s a beautiful girl, but there are a lot of beautiful girls around.
BS: Oh, I love writing little notes. I love notes in hidden places. I love knowing who their friends are and what their names are. And that’s getting so much harder because they’re in college, but it really matters to them. So I try to have these mental notes, like OK, this is the blond girl, and her parents live here.
LI: With Valentine’s Day just behind us, I want to talk a bit about love. What’s your love language?
BS: That’s a tough one. That’s changed. It used to be just kissing. I love kissing, and since I’ve gotten older, I kind of love things like riding in a car and not talking with your partner. I love being around my husband and not talking to him. Sorry, honey! But there’s this comfort zone that you have. You don’t feel the pressure of having to be funny or smart or whatever. You’re just in your time.
LI: You seem to have deep, loving friendships. Talk to me about that.
BS: I would not be alive today without them, without Lisa from high school; or Diana, my sister from when we were 4 and 5; or without Karla or Ali. And there are different types of friendships. I’m going to a wedding this weekend, the daughter of one of my roommates from college. And it’s going to be, I don’t know, 150 people, and most of them I don’t know. It’s my real life, and nobody’s going to take a selfie with me or think of me as anything other than Mary’s really good friend and roommate. I’m on a group chat with my high school friends, and we’re always just laughing. And it’s those kinds of friendships that are the backbone of my experience, my fun. I also think it’s really important to have good friends so it’s not all on your partner.
LI: Speaking of, you’ve been married for 23 years. What’s the beauty of enduring love? What are the positives of being together for so long?
BS: We have to really look at the words “enduring love” because I think we are so tied to the romantic part of it. I may never fully feel that feeling of falling in love again. I can reintroduce myself, and there will be something that makes you go, Oh, he brushed my arm, and I felt something there. But I got over the fact that the way it is in the movies is just not reality. It grows into something else. I watch his behavior toward other people, and that thrills me. I watch what kind of a dad he is. I watch him make people laugh. I watch him treat me in a way that’s kind and funny and smart. I want to be old with him, but we have to keep growing. And that’s the toughest part of relationships, that you don’t grow at the same rate. You have to be willing to talk about it. I’ve had to say things like “I used to find that cute. Now it hurts my feelings, and I don’t know why, but I don’t like it anymore.” Enduring love takes a lot of work.
LI: What’s something about love that your 50-something self knows that your 20- or 30-something self definitely didn’t?
BS: I know it’s a cliché, but God, you really have to learn early to love yourself. No one can do it for you. And if you search for that outside yourself, it’s a bit impoverished for you. There’s just such freedom in finding all the ways you like yourself, to grow to love your unique self. And it’s so hard to do.
LI: Do you think you’ve been able to override your inner critic with an inner cheerleader?
BS: I mean, listen, the inner critic is always going to have the first response. But I’m finding a sense of humor about myself. And it’s not just self-deprecation, which used to be my source of humor, but over time, you start to believe your self-deprecation, and that’s dangerous. I walk into rooms bigger than I used to. There’s something empowering about that.
LI: And you’re a CEO for the first time, in your late 50s! Congrats! Tell me about Commence.
BS: It began as a platform during Covid. I started it to see what would happen for women over 40 to just talk about where they are in their lives and what they love and what they don’t love and how they think the world treats them. It grew quickly, and what I realized was that people love beauty products. There are different obstacles we face in this era of our lives, especially with hair and scalp health, and the way that piece of your identity can be challenged is difficult for many of us.
LI: You say in the book that you couldn’t have launched the business in your 20s, because you needed to accrue life experiences, versus the kind you get in an office. Can you talk about the value of that?
BS: What I don’t know about a startup or being a CEO? Those are things I can learn. I think a life experience is the biggest gift we can be granted because it allows you to glance back, look at a life lived. Don’t qualify it—“well” lived, “badly” lived, whatever. Just a life lived. To a painter, the black marks are as important as the bright, pretty colors because they give depth and dimension. I look at my life as having dimension.
LI: Our bodies are constantly replacing cells, and the structure of our brains changes in middle age. It’s almost like we become new people. Do you feel like a new person at this stage in your life?
BS: I feel like more of a new person now than I’ve ever felt. Part of the reason is I’m not focused on the things I felt I had to do before a certain age, whether it was having babies or these sorts of milestones I was setting for myself. I’m still setting goals, but I’m a bit more in my own skin. I’m sitting with myself more. I don’t bore myself. I think there’s something to be said for this next third of our lives.
LI: You have a big birthday coming up, don’t you?
BS: I turn 60 this year. One girlfriend from college spent her 60th year in various special ways—with travel, seeing theater, going somewhere with her best friends, and planning her daughter’s wedding. And I thought that a year of celebration is a great idea. I love that. It can be anything you want—however, you want to spend your time and with the people you choose.
LI: I love that too! Happy 60th to you!
OPENING SPREAD: STELLA MCCARTNEY JACKET, SHORTS, AND SHOES. OPPOSITE PAGE: MUGLER BLAZER; WOLFORD HOSIERY; FERRAGAMO SHOES
OPPOSITE PAGE: PROENZA SCHOULER DRESS; DINOSAUR DESIGNS BANGLES; PRESLEY OLDHAM RINGS. THIS PAGE: KALLMEYER DRESS; VAINCOURT BELT; PRESLEY OLDHAM RINGS
PREVIOUS SPREAD AND OPPOSITE PAGE: GUCCI DRESS; ALAIA EARRINGS; PRESLEY OLDHAM RINGS. THIS PAGE: COURTESY OF PUBLISHER