Balloons. The sounds, the smells, the textures (flat or blown up). Horrendous, all of it!
The ocean. It makes up about 71% of the earth, yet more than 80% is still unexplored. I don’t like those odds. I’m content vibing with the land part of the earth. The! Ocean! Is! Terrifying!
EMILY BAKERROCHESTER, NEW YORK
Outer space. It just doesn’t end? It goes on and on forever? I will never get there in my lifetime, thank goodness.
EMILY SCHROEDERBUFFALO, MINNESOTA
Down escalators. I can go up. I just can’t go down!
Getting lost in an underwater cave while scuba diving. Have I ever been in an underwater cave? Nope. Do I scuba dive? Nope!
I am incredibly afraid of parking garages. I’m not sure why. But, you know, they are filled with heavy vehicles stacked on top of one another, and they look like they could collapse at any minute...
AMANDA SOMMERFELDT
APPLETON, WISCONSIN
Snakes! Everywhere we go, I always ask, “What’s the snake situation like here?” I even do the research when I visit a new place. I especially want to know about the dangerous ones that could kill me.
It’s silly, but ever since I was a kid, I can’t have horror novels in my bedroom! My Stephen King collection has to stay on the living room bookshelf.
The shelves at bigbox stores. Ugh, just thinking about them gives me anxiety.
I have two: traffic circles and portable toilets. I’m sure I’ll get stuck in either of them forever.
MICHELE GOOD ADAMSTOWN, PENNSYLVANIA
Pigeons. I can’t even walk by them without jumping! I don’t like the way they look at me with their shifty eyes!
MARY ALISON QUALMAN ROSWELL, GEORGIA
Mascots. They’re terrifying. I thought I’d outgrow the fear, but I never have. It’s so humiliating when I explain to my friends why I suddenly disappear during our kids’ sporting events.
KRISTA LUNDELL COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO
Driving behind those 18-wheelers that carry cars. Absolutely convinced the cars will just roll right off.
Oversize statues. In high school, I started hyperventilating when I saw close-up photos of the Statue of Liberty. Way, way, way too big. Eventually I learned it’s a form of megalo phobia, a fear of large objects, but I’ve never met anyone else with this specific type. I can’t be the only one!
BETSY HODGES WASHINGTON, D.C.
Remote-control helicopters. I’m so scared they’ll crash into me and get tangled in my hair! The ironic part is that I currently work as an aircraft engineer.
BELLA PECK BUFFALO, NEW YORK
Canada geese. I’ve been chased by them three times (always when wearing heels). Did you know that their tongues are bright, bubblegum pink? I wish I didn’t.
I’m afraid of viny plants! As a child, I had a spider plant at the foot of my bed that kept growing and growing despite my mom’s frequent trims. I thought it would grow through my bedcovers and attack me!
JILL ARCHER SUN PRAIRIE, WISCONSIN
If 1984 taught me anything, it’s to never share that info. With anyone.
READER OF THE MONTH
Caroline Wong, 32
ATTORNEY LOS ANGELES
What’s your most irrational phobia?Zombies! The only irrational thing about this fear is the assumption that zombies aren’t real. Otherwise, it’s very rational.
Most recent bargain:I just got about $200 worth of candles because they were all more than 50 percent off!
Most recent splurge:A Givenchy Antigona mini bag. As a new mom, I thought I’d treat myself. It fits diapers, I swear!
Who makes you laugh the most?My husband—when he’s changing diapers full of explosive poop.
What’s your favorite tradition?My family celebrates Thanksgiving on FAT (Friday after Thanksgiving). It all started when our friends and family had to accommodate in-laws on actual Thanksgiving. Those other parties eventually fell off the map, but FAT remains!
The simplest part of your life:Watching my new baby sleep. It’s pure, simple joy.
NEXT QUESTION
What’s your oddly specific love language?Send an email (and a photo, if you want!) to yourwords@realsimple.com and let us know your answer. Your response could appear on these pages.
Illustration by Abbey Lossing; COURTESY OF CAROLINE WONG
