Families are a fickle thing.
Even as I write this, I have extended family staying at our house for two weeks and my parents’ 65th wedding anniversary party is this Saturday. Together, we all cook, play guitars, sing, engage in conversation, pray, laugh, cry and we watch the next generation taking it all in with great joy. In between the picture exchanges of laughing faces and fun times, we all know that life can be hard. That’s why they’re here.
I was recently asked to lead several faculty/staff and diocesan retreats. As a former Catholic high school religion teacher, you would think this is right up my alley. Even with a background in art before I ever became an educator, I hit a creative block.
Then I looked around me…
Both my family of origin and my wife’s family are big and they’re loud. I don’t have to tell you that families are complex. There can be disputes, disagreements, divorce and downright disassociation at times. Even the Brady Bunch had their quarrels. At the end of the day, this doesn’t last. What lasts is the profound love we have for one another despite all the in-betweens. No one goes it alone.
Our families at home are one thing, but the families we serve in Catholic schools are another thing. It is a sad day when a Catholic school administrator has to ask a family to leave the school—not because of any wrong-doing on the part of the child, but because of a parent’s behavior.
As Catholics, where do we find a model in navigating life, work, and most especially, our families? This includes not only our own families, but the families we accompany in Catholic education. Our answer is the Holy Family. At a weekly Angelus in 2020, Pope Francis called us to reflect “on the fact that the Son of God wanted to be in need of the warmth of a family, like all children.” This is why the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph can serve as a model “in which all families of the world can find their sure point of reference and sure inspiration.”
The lives and relationships of Jesus, Mary and Joseph provide a source of inspiration to us by offering lessons on faith, hope, love and the importance of family. They created the mold for the domestic Church. Each said “yes” to an incredibly unfathomable calling that changed the world. Mary was called to be the Mother of God, exemplifying courage, humility, obedience and faith throughout. Joseph, a quiet but righteous man in scripture, demonstrated a steadfast willingness to protect and provide for his family. Jesus, the Son of God, embodied compassion, obedience to the Father’s will and was the Incarnation of God’s love.
Jesus taught us to “be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Mt. 5:48). No family is perfect, and perfection in most of what we do and in who we are is unattainable. It begs the question: How is God perfect? God is perfect in the ways of love. The Holy Family exemplifies this through their own self-sacrificial love—each in their own way. It is important that we give genuine witness to this same love for the kiddos we are raising in our homes and forming in our Church—each in our own way, too. So where do we start?
There is a litany of virtues and values that we can learn from the Holy Family in our homes and in our classrooms. From them, we learn that there is sanctity in the mundane and the potential for holiness in everyday living. Here’s a short list of the values and virtues that the Holy Family models to move us closer to the perfection of God’s love: faith, forgiveness, humility, obedience, patience, protection, tenderness, nurturing care, respect, openness, self-giving love, compassion and commitment. Which of these resonates most in your own teaching or administrative ministry? These are attributes that we can practice throughout our lives and witness in our schools. In Catholic education, we often say that we need to “meet the kids where they are.” Leading with these virtues and values is a great start.
While working with Catholic school families can be a challenge for teachers and administrators, the Paschal Mystery reassures us that life’s challenges, and even our suffering, can be redemptive. Certainly, the Holy Family experienced their own challenges and trials when Jesus was a child. Right out the gate, they endured a Flight into Egypt and the loss of Jesus in the Temple. Have you ever done a headcount at the end of a field trip to find that one student is missing? When my daughter was very young, my wife and I had a heart-stopping moment at an Easter Mass. Somehow, we lost her in the Communion line among a congregation bursting at the seams. We scrambled in a panic to find her. Finally, when everyone was quietly seated back in their pews or standing in the packed church, an usher at the ambo held up our daughter and said, “We have a lost child.” I literally saw my own life flash before my eyes in those anxious moments just prior. The lesson here is that the Holy Family has already been there before us, and they can sanctify our steps. They provide hope and comfort to us as families by blood, by marriage or by choice.
Yes, families are a fickle thing. They are also a place where we can see and experience God in a profound way. The Holy Family reveals this to us. I’m not saying it’s always easy, but when that light breaks through the toughest times with those we care about most, it is then that we are touched by the grace of God.
John GalvanJgalvan@ncea.org