Adam Friedman was 2-up on the 35th hole of the Connecticut State Amateur and facing a 124-yard approach on the 17th hole Shuttle Meadow Country Club in a match with Bradley Sawka that had grown increasingly tense.
“I had been 5 up, and then it was 2,” Friedman said. “I wanted to take bogey out of the equation and end it.”
Friedman stuck his 46-degree wedge pin high to three feet. When Sawka missed his birdie chance, he conceded Friedman’s birdie putt and the match, 3 and 1. Friedman said that last shot in the five-day competition in Kensington, Connecticut, was his best. It secured more than the State Am trophy; it confirmed one of his credos: “I can handle this.”
The victory fulfills one of Friedman’s life-long golf goals – to play in a USGA event. He earned the Allied Golf Association exemption into the U.S. Amateur at The Olympic Club in San Francisco August 11-17. While there were many congratulatory handshakes and hugs before and after the Connecticut State Am awards presentation, his victory validated more than just handling the assorted on-course challenges. It was a wellness checkpoint for Friedman’s bigger life challenge.
This celebration was in distinct contrast to the state of Friedman’s mental health a few years ago, when he said he was in “a downward spiral.”
“You’re always vulnerable to dark thoughts, and you try to put them under the rug,” Friedman said. “But I believed in order to get better and to improve, I’d have to go into the darkness and pull the light out.”
He did.
Friedman, 27, knows he’s fortunate because the risk of suicide in people with major depression is about 20 times that of the general population. About two thirds of people who commit suicide are depressed at the time of their deaths, according to the American Association of Suicidology. PGA Tour player Grayson Murray died by suicide last year.
Friedman said he’s a testament to getting the proper help early before his depression worsened. “If anyone is going through dark times, my experience says no matter how bad the circumstances, no matter if it seems like an insurmountable climb, it’s doable to get out of it, if you seek help and do the work,” he said.
“You’re always vulnerable to dark thoughts, and you try to put them under the rug. But I believed in order to get better and to improve, I’d have to go into the darkness and pull the light out.”
Adam Friedman
Friedman grew up in Westport, Connecticut, playing basketball, soccer and golf. Eventually golf became his focus. After playing one year at Staples High School in Westport, he earned a scholarship to the Gary Gilchrist Golf Academy in Clermont, Florida. He attended Montverde (Florida) Academy and earned high academic honors in his 2016 graduation year. He was a Future Collegians World Tour all-American and was the 57th ranked scholastic player in the 2016 class by Golfweek.
He played two seasons at Florida Atlantic University. During that second year, however, was when he encountered significant depression. He made bad choices, he said, including missing considerable class time after making the Dean’s List the previous year.
Friedman “felt like he was a failure” in just about everything from the classroom to his golf résumé to his personal relationships. He left FAU and returned to Westport.
“That first month was so hard because I’d look out my window and think what I had given up,” he said.
He credits and gives abundant thanks to parents – Howie and Lori – for being advocates to find the right help for him. Friedman quickly entered a mentorship program with Causeway Collaborative in Westport. Its mission, displayed on its website, is to “... get your-life-back-on-track counseling for guys 16-30 who need expert guidance to move forward and find their purpose.”
Friedman praised Vincent Benevento, Causeway Collaborative’s director and founder, for helping him. “I messed up and was almost in denial about it,” Friedman said. “I had to dig deep and have honest conversations with myself.”
In addition to Friedman’s need to heal mentally was his physical state. Pain in his left SI (sacroiliac) joint needed attention. “It probably goes back to when I went from being 5-foot-4 when I was 16 to 6-1 at 17,” he said.
Alex Paup, a trainer and golf biomechanics coach in Jupiter, Florida, worked with Friedman to improve his body. Friedman, 6-foot-3 and 183 pounds today, said this took about a year and half, and his fitness was demonstrated by playing 137 holes in the Connecticut State Amateur in June.
As for his mental health, Friedman believes it has improved significantly with his mentorship program. Golf proved to be a major lift for him to “pull the light out.” He started to “turn the corner” mentally four winters ago when he began working at Gulf Stream (Florida) Golf Club. His duties have included helping to manage outside operations and caddying. The latter educated and enlightened him on people and the enjoyment of golf.
He had found himself. And most importantly, he realized he was not a failure – his life had immense value.
Friedman took that mindset to the course. He lost on the 14th hole in a 2021 Connecticut State Am semifinal to 2013 champion Cody Paladino and in 2022 missed the cut in all three CSGA tournaments he played.
“But last year I finished in the top 10 in every one of my [six] events,” he said, a collection of results that earned him a tie for sixth in the 2024 Metropolitan Golf Association’s Jerry Courville Sr. Player of the Year standings.
His progression culminated with his Connecticut State Am championship. As in life, Friedman said when he’s preparing to hit a shot, “I conquer the critic or skeptic in my mind. Instead of running through all the potential negatives that are going to happen, I focus and trust my swing and shot choice; that I’m making the right decision.”
During the State Am, he utilized another strategy.
“Whenever I hit a shot in the bunker or rough, I would expect the worst case,” he said. “Doing this allowed me – when I arrived at the ball, I was prepared for it and not ‘Oh, I can’t believe it.’ What I kept telling myself was, ‘I can handle this.’”
That mindset works for him on and off the golf course. Still, Friedman says he is “not out of the woods yet” with his mental health. Since 2023 he continues to be engaged at improving it with mental performance coach Bill Nelson, who has other amateur and professional golf clients.
Raising his amateur profile with success locally and nationally – as his golf idol Bobby Jones did – is one goal for Friedman, who plays in the New England Amateur next week at Neshobe Golf Club in Brandon, Vermont.
Friedman is also inspired in this quest by one of his sports heroes, Kobe Bryant.
“It was about goals, and he talked about climbing Mount Everest,” Friedman said. “If you look up from the bottom, it’s overwhelming. But if you methodically take smaller steps, you can make that climb.”
In golf, and in life.
E-MAIL TOM
Top: Adam Friedman leads wire-to-wire in winning his first Connecticut State Amateur at Shuttle Meadow CC.
courtesy connecticut state golf association