Few things in golf are more fraught with danger than a golf-themed gift from someone who means well but doesn’t know a gap wedge from the Gap Band (and its 1980 classic “Burn Rubber On Meâ€).
Or wine in a box.
Yeah, it’s the thought that counts, but think about what you’re giving.
Does any serious golfer really want a golf-themed cheese board?
Someone thought it was a Gouda idea for a friend of mine. (Sorry, but I couldn’t resist.)
It’s too bad the gift givers can’t get Dr. Rick from those Progressive Insurance “becoming your parents†ads to help them through the process.
That same friend, a low single-digit handicap, also got a stroke counter (the Chia Pet of golf gifts) that could be strapped to his push cart. He doesn’t have a push cart, never had one and never wants one.
And if you need a stroke counter, you need a series of lessons even more.
It’s a tricky business, giving golf gifts. It’s like those soul-sucking, one-day, captain’s choice outings with mulligans and the invariable long-drive contest. Why does the winner of the long-drive contest usually get a new driver?
“There’s no such thing as golf ball finder glasses.â€
“Hands off the ball retrievers.â€
“No one thinks a Homer Simpson golf necktie is a good choice.â€
That’s why there is a certain value in Christmas lists. They can eliminate the cringe factor. They may eliminate thinking outside the box, but they also eliminate the need to throw away the “Time To Par-Tee†sign no one has ever had on a wish list.
Golfers are good at getting the wrong stuff for themselves. Just look at some of the sweater vests your friends are wearing.
Tell your neighbors or in-laws that there is a simple rule to follow for golf gifts: If you have to ask whether it’s a good gift or a gadget, you have answered your own question.
Unless it’s one of those toilet putter mats.
Ron Green Jr.
E-MAIL RON
