By Noah McMullin
As a college student, I sometimes felt lonely. Almost everyone does at one time or another, and I dealt with it by getting involved on campus. I became a student leader in my roles as resident assistant and teaching assistant and in other positions. I connected with peers, staff, and the community as I ultimately found my place. I felt so connected to the higher education environment that I eventually earned a master’s degree in higher education and student affairs administration and now enjoy my work as a residence coordinator at the Rochester Institute of Technology.
I don’t think the loneliness I felt, though, is anywhere close to what some students experience today. I was fortunate in that I graduated right before COVID-19 brought everything to a halt in 2020. Others were not as lucky and were forced to spend those formative years mostly alone, isolated, and behind a computer screen, sometimes not even allowed to visit other students’ rooms. Now, in 2024, I believe we can still see the repercussions of the pandemic, which impacted students’ social skills, their feeling of belonging at college, and their sense of loneliness. It’s bad enough that the United States Surgeon General called attention to the issue and has launched a campaign to help students strengthen their connections with others. These difficult times have also inspired scientists to study loneliness in more depth, and they found that loneliness can be much more complicated – and dangerous – than we may have once thought.
I see this every day as the RAs I supervise – Kayla, Ali, Chris, Lasya, Kasim, Nic, Emerson, Mackenzie, Laura, Izze, Olivia, Anishka, Lily, Andrew, and Gabe – work with me to build a community where students feel like they belong and are connected, safe, and have a seat at the table. Back in 2022, we searched for some way to get the students living in the two halls we represent to cross over and meet others outside of their special interests and honors programs. After a lot of deliberation, we came to the conclusion (no matter how obvious it sounds in retrospect) that making friends is hard. And out of that emerged the idea for Speed Friending.
Speed Friending, similar in concept to speed dating, was an opportunity for residents to gather together and quickly meet new people in a low-pressure situation. Early in the semester, we commandeered a large activity space on campus, put out snacks (we are housing people, so of course there were snacks), and set up a big circle of tables and chairs. The 60 residents who attended were randomly paired up, and then, after about three minutes, they would rotate to someone new. We went on for as many rounds as needed for the students to make their way throughout the room. We provided various question prompts to get the ball rolling so that the onus to start a conversation did not fall solely on the students. Residents could discuss their mutual love for video games, movies, sports, pets, and whatever other interests they had. At the end of the event, we provided the opportunity for residents to socialize freely and go back for continued conversations with some of the other students they met.
Each rotation was an opportunity to meet someone new, to say hello, to see a friendly face, to introduce themselves to someone they had been meaning to get to know or to connect with that person they had seen every day. To say the least, it was a hit. It was even mentioned in an article for Inside Higher Ed where one of our students noted how this event made a huge difference in her first semester and helped her make friends while battling extreme loneliness. This event was a great success, and I hope to bring it back in the future.
Is Speed Friending the ultimate solution to loneliness? Absolutely not. That said, it is a vital reminder that campus housing professionals have the opportunity to go the extra mile to create conditions and environments where students can meet and engage with peers; those engagements will make a lasting difference in someone’s college experience. I sometimes forget just how impactful our work is until I hear someone speak about meeting their best friend during a hall event or someone’s day turning around because we took time to engage with them. College students are dealing with so much these days, often more than we can imagine. Let’s do what we can to alleviate some social burdens and set them up for success.
Noah McMullin is a residence coordinator at the Rochester Institute of Technology in New York. First Person is an opportunity for ACUHO-I members to share more personal insights into the news and issues affecting campus housing and student affairs. Interested contributors should complete this form.