by Paul K. Jahr and Drew Jahr
In the previous issue of Talking Stick, we met a host of families in which representatives from multiple generations had chosen to pursue careers in student affairs and campus housing. From observing the field up close while growing up to receiving career advice once they became professionals, the younger generation noted some details about what helped set them on their career path. At the same time, they acknowledged how having a recognizable last name also brought added pressure.
Despite the challenges of following in a family member’s footsteps – the pressure to live up to expectations, the possibility of being treated differently – the benefits of having a parent in the field outweigh the difficulties. The younger professionals appreciated the vast ocean of experience that their parents could provide, from assistance with the job search process and providing introductions to others in the field to being available as a safe place to vent, share concerns, and secure valuable feedback. Several described their relationship as having evolved over the years, from the parent initially providing valuable support to becoming a coach as the younger developed their own professional identity. As Bryn Bowden, assistant director of student engagement and residential living at Mount Mary University, advises, “Try to remind yourself that having a well-known parent in the field isn’t a bad thing. It puts you at an advantage. You have someone who has been there and done that to help guide you.”
Jennifer Hammat, who as dean of students at the University of Southern Indiana followed a path similar to that of her mother, Paula Hulick (formerly a director of housing and then a special assistant to the vice president of student affairs at Murray State University), notes how much knowledge they had in common. “My parents, more than most parents, actually understand what I do. They understand the pressures and the stressors, the traps and the struggles, the highs and lows, the politics and the rewards.” And as Ainsley Hallenbeck – an assistant hall director and grad student at The University of Tennessee Knoxville and daughter of Doug Hallenbeck, vice president for student affairs at Oklahoma State University – notes, “Not many people understand housing, so it is nice to share the fun and the difficult things about the field with people who understand the work.” Katie Milne, assistant director of student success and retention at the University of Northern Iowa and daughter of housing veteran Nancy Milne, also commented on the strong professional connection that young professionals can have with their working parents. “There is a definite perk in that they actually get what I do and why I don’t call as much during the month of August. I would recommend young professionals take advantage of their parents connecting them to friends in the field. It was really nice to have one guaranteed coffee date at a conference or to have a friendly face pop in during my on-campus interview somewhere.” Doug Hallenbeck summarized it well in speaking of his father, Dan, who worked in housing on a number of campuses: “Overall, I can count on one hand the challenges of having my dad in the profession and about one million positives.”
All the parents expressed great pride in having a child in the profession and noted very few challenges. As Buzz Bares, dean of students at the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh, says of her daughter Ellie Lang, coordinator of the Leadership Team in the Department of Residence Life at the same institution, “It’s fun to have a child in the same profession. We speak the same language, share the same concerns, discuss current information, and even share the same schedule. August is not a vacation month.” Doug Hallenbeck praises the connection for a similar reason: “It is a special gift to be able to share with each other. I would encourage folks to embrace all the positives that go along with being in the same profession.” Ruth Stoner, who worked as vice provost for student success at The University of Kansas, noted an added benefit in having her son, J.C. Stoner, associate director for housing operations at The University of Texas at Dallas, in the same field: “It has been a pleasure having J.C. in the profession. It has allowed us to stay connected to some of our former colleagues.”
There are many parents and children who work in the same profession, but it is unusual for them to also work at the same institution, yet more than half of the families spoken to for this story did indeed, at some point, work within the same organization. Most often this occurred while the child was an undergraduate student and also served as an RA, maintenance worker, or in some other student-worker role. Such an arrangement may appear to involve a conflict of interest by current standards, but even then safeguards were always put in place. Before the child’s employment began, the concerns of both parent and child were discussed, and expectations were clarified. Establishing a memorandum of understanding that outlined boundaries was a common practice and often involved other members of the department who were directly impacted. None of these situations involved a direct reporting line relationship. All involved acknowledged that working in the same organization was awkward at times, but no one indicated that it was a bad experience for themselves or for other members of their department.
In a unique situation, Lang, after working in another region, interviewed for and assumed the position that her mother had held dealing with residence life conduct before moving into the Dean of Students office to oversee all of student conduct. It is a situation that allows Bares to mentor her daughter without being overbearing. “So, we work closely together. I am careful not to tell her what to do in her role, as she must shape it in the way that works best for her. But I do have more experience with conduct, so when I am asked, I will give advice,” Bares explains. In fact, as her daughter shared, “I will say that the most challenging aspect of the transition had nothing to do with me being her kid, but more to do with being a young professional taking over the role of someone who had done it for 20 plus years and having to earn the respect of colleagues and navigate a new role with peers I now had to supervise. Otherwise, honestly students don’t know that we are related due to our having different last names.”
The theme of passing along lessons learned recurred throughout the interviews, with suggestions coming from both sides. All first-generation participants shared examples of some of the practical advice they shared with their second-generation children:
The younger legacy members also had a great deal of advice to share from their individual experiences.
The housing profession encourages children to personalize their professional journey, make it their own, and forge their own path. At the same time, in the close-knit campus housing profession, colleagues are often referred to as one’s work family. Those who can count actual blood relatives among the ranks are doubly blessed. Parents can take pride that their offspring saw value in and were inspired by having seen their professional work. The children can feel pride in carrying on a family tradition. Toby Bares, who has watched his wife and daughter navigate the student affairs landscape, summed it up this way: “One can take pride in a child growing up to be committed enough to tackle a profession that is not easily understood nor always appreciated for its value.”
Paul K. Jahr is retired, having worked most recently as the associate vice president for student affairs at Georgia College in Milledgeville, while son Drew currently is an associate managing director of housing facilities at Texas Tech University in Lubbock. The authors wish to thank the following professionals for their participation: Buzz Bares, Toby Bares, and Ellie Lang; Linda Mulroy-Bowden and Bryn Bowden; Norb and Nicholas Dunkel; Maggie, Kathryn, and Chris Evans; Doug, Dan, and Ainsley Hallenbeck; Paula Hulick and Jennifer Hammat; Kirsten Kennedy, Kate Kennedy, and Lee Upcraft; Eric and Martina Luskin; Nancy and Katie Milne; Nick and Mark Nicklaus; Ken, J.C., and Ruth Stoner; and Terry and Amanda Tumbarello.
