Performance
By Rob Fonte
One of the most prevalent yet challenging scenarios leaders face is training an employee who lacks self-awareness. As leaders, we’ve all been there.
However, objectively assessing the situation can get tricky. Sometimes, it may boil down to differences in communication styles or personal values — not necessarily a true lack of self-awareness.
Fortunately, there are strategies and techniques you can apply when addressing this in a training environment.
Self-awareness can be defined as the ability to accurately recognize emotions, thoughts and values — and understand how behavior impacts others. It also involves a willingness to look inward, assess strengths and limitations and use those insights to develop a growth mindset.
An employee who lacks self-awareness will most likely avoid owning their mistakes and often communicate poorly or negatively. They may not be strong listeners, which can lead to decisions that impact others without considering their values or perspectives — in other words, a gap in emotional intelligence.
These employees often make excuses for failures, shut people down and criticize others. While they may have inflated opinions of themselves, they also tend to struggle with controlling their emotions.
The first step is to determine whether the individual is genuinely unaware.
It’s important to consider other factors that could explain their behavior. Everyone has different communication styles, beliefs and values, so it’s critical not to mistake these differences for a lack of self-awareness.
It’s also worth considering whether external or unresolved personal challenges may be influencing their behavior. While this doesn’t excuse the behavior, it does provide helpful context.
One of the best ways to validate your observations is to seek input from peers, other managers or trainers. It’s easy to get caught up in our own perceptions, so gathering additional perspectives is an important step before initiating a coaching or training conversation.
There are typically two types of employees who may be described as “unaware.”
The first is genuinely unaware of how their behavior impacts others. The second, and often more challenging, is someone who understands that their behavior is detrimental but is unwilling to change.
These situations are more difficult because the behavior is often deeply ingrained, requiring more time, consistency and effort — especially in a training and development context — to address.
A lack of self-awareness often develops over time due to a lack of leadership and communication.
Many managers avoid these conversations because they are uncomfortable. Instead of addressing the issue, it gets passed from one leader to the next. As a result, the employee may eventually claim they were never told about the behavior.
This is especially common with high-performing employees who may deliver strong results but maintain a negative impact on their team. Without early intervention through effective training and feedback, the behavior continues unchecked.
Once you’ve validated your observations and understand the type of employee you’re working with, the next step is the coaching conversation.
Set expectations early. When working with a team, it’s important to establish that feedback is both necessary and encouraged. Position feedback as part of the culture — and something that goes both ways. Setting this expectation early makes future coaching conversations easier and more effective.
Know when to act. Timing and consistency play a major role in how feedback is received. If feedback is delivered suddenly or inconsistently, employees are more likely to react defensively. Instead, approach feedback as an ongoing process — delivered regularly and in a familiar setting.
Lower defensiveness. When having the conversation, it’s important to communicate that your intent is to support their success. Framing feedback around their goals — such as career growth or advancement — can make them more receptive and open to change.
Training an employee who lacks self-awareness is rarely straightforward. It requires thoughtful assessment, consistent feedback and a willingness to address uncomfortable situations directly.
However, when approached effectively through intentional training and development efforts, these conversations can lead to meaningful growth — for both the employee and the team.
Rob Fonte is founder of Sarto Leadership Group. Email Rob at robfonte@sartolg.com or connect through linkedin.com/in/robfonteleadershipdevelopment/.
