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Building a Strong Financial Partnership
Money is the most common stressor among couples, and it's no surprise why. Finances are not a particularly fun topic to discuss, and oftentimes people enter into a relationship with long-held beliefs—even shame—about money and spending.
It can be hard to consider someone else's financial needs and wants when you have been making those decisions for yourself for so long. But becoming a couple means shifting your thinking away from "yours and mine" to "ours." Even if you decide to maintain separate bank accounts after becoming a couple, financial decisions must be made together.
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Regular Financial Check-Ins and Reviews
Building a strong financial partnership takes time and must be nurtured. Open lines of communication are extremely important, starting with being forthcoming about your financial status when you combine households with your partner.
Once your financial baseline as a couple has been established, set regular times to meet and review your finances together. This way, you can both feel like you are on the same page and address problem areas before they become insurmountable. You can discuss future goals, look at outstanding debt, and see if you need to make adjustments to savings. If you decide to split responsibilities around bill paying and investing, it is helpful to check in with each other to report on these areas so that everyone is on the same page.
These check-ins establish a baseline of trust between partners and help bring people together over issues like spending habits that might otherwise cause conflict. It is important for both partners to leave judgment out of the equation during these financial discussions so each person feels like they can be forthcoming about their financial stressors. You are trying to build accountability as a couple during these discussions, not trying to shame the other person into changing their behavior.
Concentrating on future goals instead of spending habits can sometimes reframe the discussion from personal to shared. This removes some of the blame from the conversation and instead brings you to work towards a common goal.
It is just as important to have these regular check-ins to celebrate financial wins. Paying off a credit card or saving six months of living expenses for emergency savings are things to celebrate as a couple. People are often motivated to do more when they feel their partner is proud of them, and financial wins fall into this category.
Adapting to Major Life Changes
A regular rhythm of financial discussions will be helpful when facing a major life change like losing a job, moving out of state or having a child. When you already have a good idea about your financial baseline, it is easier to pivot to address a new financial need because you aren't starting from scratch.
These life changes can be stressful and put financial strain on a couple, but you will be better off when you face them if you are already working as a team.
It's important to remember that your financial system doesn't have to be set in stone. You might have been saving a certain percentage of your income each month for retirement, but losing a job has derailed that. A new plan might mean you are just putting your saving goals on pause for a bit, but it doesn't mean you have failed.
Resources and Tools for Managing Shared Finances Successfully
There are many different ways to manage shared finances as a couple. This can be as easy as having a joint bank account and meeting monthly to discuss spending and saving to something as complicated as maintaining a spreadsheet with itemized expenditures in different categories. With so many budgeting apps available these days, tracking your finances is much easier without spending all of your free time tracking receipts.
Some couples find that working with a financial planner helps them think about their financial goals and how to accomplish them. Having a third party involved in discussions around money can sometimes remove emotion, leaving both partners more willing to listen to each other. A financial advisor can also be helpful if your financial situation changes, such as receiving an inheritance.
The most important thing that a couple can do to maintain their relationship's financial health is to keep the lines of communication open.