Since high school, Jacquie Slack has wanted to be a mentor. A promising job in human resources enabled her to do that, but after having children, she decided to postpone her career. Still, she wanted to help people.
She joined Providence United Methodist Church in Charlotte, North Carolina, in 2004, and after attending Disciple Bible studies there, she finally fulfilled that calling through Stephen Ministry.
“The more I learned about it, the more I knew it was exactly what I wanted to do,” she says. “(To) listen to others, pray for them and with them, along with building a relationship on faith and trust.”
What she did not expect was how much her faith would grow and the blessing the new relationships would be for her.
That experience does not surprise the Rev. Virginia Samuel. As director of the Center for Clergy and Congregational Health and Wholeness at Drew Theological School in Madison, New Jersey, she has seen the benefits of congregational care ministries for caregivers and receivers alike.
The impact goes well beyond the congregation and community, however. Samuel said an educated, caring laity changes the world.
‘Nothing wasted in God’s economy’
To be a Stephen minister, Slack went through 50 hours of training on topics ranging from the art of listening and Christian caring to how to maintain boundaries in caregiving.
Samuel said that education is critical, helping caregivers learn about “the realities of the human experience” and understand the importance of community. They also learn about the impact of grief and loss on people’s lives.
“When people are educated, their compassion naturally grows because they have a deeper understanding of the impact of ... trauma or disappointment,” Samuel said. “If their compassion grows, they will be more faithful disciples of Jesus Christ.”
When that happens, she said, they connect successfully with people they do not even know.
“That kind of growing spills out everywhere,” she said. “Nothing’s wasted in God’s economy. The caregiving I give in the church is going to transform the world because I’m different, and I’m in the world, so everything I touch is going to be different. It’s that big in my mind. That big.”
Lifelines of support
It is a ministry of listening, not counseling, said the Rev. Bill Jeffries, senior associate pastor at Providence Church. “Our tagline is that we are the caregivers, and Christ is the cure-giver,” he added.
Through Stephen Ministry and other care models, caregivers help people cope with a host of life experiences – job loss, a loved one’s death, financial and health issues, and physical and mental abuse. Even happy occasions, such as the birth of a child, can be stressful.
In each situation, Samuel said, caregivers invite people to share their feelings, helping to alleviate the isolation that often accompanies grief and loss.
“People who have some kind of loss or disappointment ... suffer,” Samuel said. “Often they suffer because the theology they’ve been absorbing all these years tells them they ought not to be suffering or ... admit it, so their faith is suspect. Then ... they’re not only disconnected from the humans around them; they’re [also] estranged from God.”
That is why caregiving matters, she said.
“By our careful and patient listening, we invite them to walk across the bridge, back into the arms of those who love them,” she said. “You can’t put a price tag on that.”
It is done in the context of a Christian relationship that accepts people with all their feelings, even anger toward God.
“Christ’s love for us knows no limits or boundaries, no matter what we’re thinking, feeling, doing or saying,” Samuel said. “That is the record of his life, and it’s also the record of Scripture.”
Samuel points to Romans 8:35, in which Paul declares that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ and Galatians 6:2, calling Christians to bear one another’s burdens, fulfilling the “law of Christ.”
“(Christ is) not a mere model. He’s not just a swell guy,” Samuel said. “He’s the one who makes (this ministry) possible. In our life in Christ, in communion with him and the Holy Spirit, we get the strength we need. This is not easy work.”
Team effort
Because it is not easy work, the Rev. Karen Lampe said care for caregivers is vital.
Lampe is executive pastor of congregational care at United Methodist Church of the Resurrection in Leawood, Kansas, which created its own congregational care ministry, similar to Stephen Ministry.
Stephen ministers work with a Stephen leader who provides training, consultation and support. At Church of the Resurrection, each of the church’s 15 pastors works with a team of 10 to 25 congregational care ministers.
Each congregational care minister works directly with people needing care. Lampe said a third of the people her church helps are nonmembers.
This holistic effort, she said, includes the church’s director of counseling, who provides support and resources for caregivers and pastors. Licensed mental health professionals in the church and community also offer their services.
When a caregiver needs emotional support, the team is there.
“As pastors, we try to make ourselves available during regular meetings where (caregivers) can talk about issues,” Lampe said. “We always ask the Wesleyan question, ‘How is it with your soul?’”
Lampe also encourages caregivers to connect with other supportive people. Her self-care includes weekly meetings with a prayer partner.
One of the most difficult experiences for caregivers, Lampe said, is helping people cope with death. For her, the suicide of a young woman whom she and another pastor had been helping hit hard.
“She had attempted several times and finally succeeded,” Lampe said. “It just felt like a kick in the gut.”
However, being on a team “where you can debrief about this sort of thing and just know that it’s no one’s fault” helps, Lampe said.
Because it is a team effort, pastors get the help they need.
“We could not provide the level of care as a congregation ... without Stephen ministers,” Jeffries said. “We have four ordained clergy and one who works primarily in pastoral care. There are not enough hours in the day to (spend) ... with all those who would like to talk with someone and feel heard.”
Because pastors are “kept in the loop,” Jeffries said, people do not “feel abandoned by the pastor, just more cared for because the Stephen minister is there every week during the relationship.”
Where to begin
Starting a care ministry begins with the pastor, Samuel suggested. The first step is being educated about existing models, like Stephen Ministry and Church of the Resurrection’s, which offers an annual training seminar for church teams. A church might also need further clinical training for pastors.
Samuel then suggests preparing the congregation through a sermon series on compassionate care that might include preaching on the 23rd Psalm, Romans 8 and Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s book Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Faith in Community.
The point, she said, is to “get people ready to care,” and instill the message that members are called to care. Then recruitment and training can begin.
“People in the world are in need of care. Other people in the world need to give care,” Samuel said. “They both need things in their life that are going to help them grow in discipleship.”
That, she said, transforms the world.
Tita Parham is a communications consultant, writer and editor based in Apopka, Florida.