I’ve covered 20-plus Masters, can name every speed trap from Hartsfield-Jackson to the Washington Road exit, played Augusta National twice, spent quality time in the Crow’s Nest and Champions Locker Room, dined on the second floor porch of the famed clubhouse, spent a college fund in the merchandise center, been there at sunrise with the honorary starters, been there after sunset with the newest winner, eaten more green-wrapped egg salad sandwiches than medically advised, had my eardrums ruptured by patrons’ roars, witnessed the intersection of sports, race, gender and right and wrong on those grounds, shared press rooms with Jenkins, Murray and Rosaforte, air time with Van Pelt and North, handshakes with Verne, and most of all, have witnessed golf triumph, tragedy and history.
So, yeah, there’s a reason why I chose the Masters and Augusta National as the centerpiece of my golf novel, “All Carry.” By familiarity and repetition, the tournament has become our best friend. It is a trusted 7-iron, a worn ball mark, our favorite putter. I have a golf crush on that major, on that course, on that sometimes bewildering and provincial club with its many traditions, rules and quirks.
You want reasons? Here are 10, or the combined total of green jackets for Scottie Scheffler (2), Rory McIlroy (1), Tiger Woods (5) and Ben Hogan (2).
1. Hello, again: I love the charm and ancient-ness of St. Andrews. And if we’re being completely honest, Shinnecock, site of this June’s U.S. Open, is often rated slightly higher than Augusta National. But we only get the Old Course every five years or so, and Shinnecock won’t return to the U.S. Open schedule until 2036.
Meanwhile, the Masters is Old Reliable, an annual class reunion, April’s comfort food.
2. Green Jacket: The Masters is the only major where they hand the winner a trophy and a sport coat—and the winner would rather have the sport coat. That’s because the Green Jacket and left breast pocket logo is the most recognizable and coveted piece of attire this side of New York Yankees pinstripes.
3. Zero tolerance phone policy: If you’re caught with a phone on the property—and they have ways of knowing—you’ll be hustled out of there faster than you can yell, “Mashed potato!” A permanent Masters ban also will be in your immediate future.
I have no problem with this. In fact, can Augusta National do something about speakerphone calls on planes?
4. Drama: The Masters is a four-day, 72-act golf play. In the last seven years there we’ve had McIlroy complete the career grand slam, Sche ler make two trips to Butler Cabin, Jon Rahm overtake Brooks Koepka on a Sunday, Hideki Matsuyama become the first Japanese champion, Dustin Johnson win in mid-November and in front of zero patrons, and Woods earn his fifth Masters and 15th major (his first since the 2008 U.S. Open) at age 43. Is that any good?
5. Audubon Society: For the record, I have never seen an actual bird at Augusta National. Ornithologists need to be consulted.
But somehow you can’t go five minutes on a Masters telecast without hearing a chorus of bird sounds. It’s like you’re in the middle of a migratory flight pattern. Anyway, just think of the drinking game possibilities. Hear a chirp, have a chug.
6. Manners: The Masters loves its rules. No running. No cameras once tournament play begins. No chairs with arms. No banners or flags. No strollers. No autographs on the course. No inappropriate attire or yelling. No sneaking into the small pro shop next to the clubhouse (guilty). And as we mentioned, no phones.
Sure, it’s like visiting your grandmother’s place (“Don’t touch that!”), but not every tournament has to be Mardi Gras meets Delta House. The Masters is the major with manners.
7. The Best Spot in Golf: Find me a better place to watch a major than Amen Corner. I’ll wait. Underrated runner-up: the par-3 sixth hole. Claim a spot behind the green and thank me later.
8. The Masters Lottery: I’ve entered the tournament ticket lottery for decades and never won. My brother entered it once and got Sunday passes for Tiger’s historic victory in 2019. We don’t talk anymore. But I respect the Masters for at least giving the general public a chance.
9. Time freeze: The scoreboards are hand-operated. The prices for concessions are old school. Even with the latest price increases, practice round tickets and tournament badges are relatively reasonable.
Of course, your credit card will need CPR after visiting the merchandise center, but that’s only because of your dopamine surge. How else can you explain buying a Masters gnome?
10. TV heaven: A Masters broadcast only has four minutes or less of commercial time per hour. More time for golf shots and bird chirps.
Thank you, Masters. Thank you for everything.
Gene Wojciechowski lives in Wheaton but refuses to disclose his double-digit handicap. He was a longtime member of ESPN’s golf coverage team, and is the co-author or author of 13 books, including his golf novel, “All Carry,” available now (Crown Publishing).
